The View From the Telephone

CMWC 1994

by Richard Guard.

Moving Target,vol 3 issue 3, Sep 1994.

Weds 10/08/94 - Moving Target Office

"Good afternoon, Moving Target." A heavy crackling noise overthe 'phone, the sound of revving engines, screaming of over-excited people.

"Hello, this is Rot Runner, Dusseldorf, we are coming, we leavenow, see you at the Docks tonight!"

"Yeah! Excellent! I-AM-LOOKING-FORWARD-VERY-MUCH TO-MEETING-YOU-"the line goes dead.

Ring-ring "Good afternoon, Moving Target."

"Yes, hello," says a slightly over-soft voice, " I amcalling from Men's Health & Fitness Magazine [!?] and I would likea press accreditation for the CMWC..."

"Hold on, I have a call on the other line."

Men's Health & Fitness? On yer bike, mate.

"Hello, there's one in the post, sir, can I take your address?"

The 'phone rings, there's a knock at the door - "kick the doorhard!" - bang! Breathe in - "hello, Moving Target..."

"my name is Anne Royne from One Bud, Oslo, and I want to race atthe CMWC."

The man at the door stands and looks confused, and asks in broken English,"have you seen my team?" "What team?" "Berolino,from Germany." Shit and fuck me. "Never heard of them, ever.""Oh, the boss has taken my money, and the others are coming.""Well, maybe they should have told us?" A light goes on in myhead and Team Berolino Phone Home Tonight International is born.

"Anne, come on over, we have a team for you." I put the 'phonedown; it doesn't stop ringing for a week. The man in the door-way looksconfused, the smell of proj fills Panther House, and hordes of internationalcycle freaks perform tricks for the Mount Pleasant kids and drink a lotbeer at Churchill's.

I meet loads of people, talk to even more and have not moved out ofthe chair by the phone for 4 weeks. Then it all happened. Now it's my turnto watch the action. Oh no it isn't.

Sat 13th - Site 'office'

Ring-ring "Hello, my name is Helga Hazelnut from Radio Muenster,could you find me some people from Muenster and tell me which heat theyare in?" The real answer is: of course not, not a fucking chance inHell, who do you think I am, super fucking man? "Yeah, please callback in 30 minutes."


"This is Canada, this is New York, this is Copenhagen, this isZurich, this is Men's Health & Fitness-" hold on a minute. "Youhaven't sent any press passes." We are not body builders. "I'mever so sorry, there must have been a mix-up in the post, why not turnup and have security contact me from the main entrance? Great, see youtomorrow."

"West Gate calling Richard-" go ahead, West Gate-" "wehave an Israeli journalist here Richard, he says you told him to give youa call when he arrived-" "sure, I'm on my way-" " MovingTarget Base to Richard-" - running to West Gate- "go ahead MovingTarget-" "we've got BBC GLR radio in the office and the Independentnewspaper on the blower-" "-OK, I'm nearly on my way back."

Sun 14th Site 'office' 16:30

With the final over, perhaps the 'phone will stop ringing. No. 16:34:this is Sweden, this is Canada, this is New York, this is Oslo, this isMuenster, this is Berlin, this is London, this is Holland, this is Bern,this is Spanish TV, this is Men's Health & Fitness, sorry I couldn'tmake it. Well, thanks for thinking of us.

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