"Voice of Da", #4 - San Francisco Messenger Zine
(compiled by Mariah, Joe, Pat and America)
A column in this month's Details magazine (April 1997, "Affairplay") includes the following:
"she went to a party last night held by a bunch of bike messengers,otherwise known as one-stand machines...and I don't think I need to tellyou what it's like to have sex with someone who gets paid to ride a bikefor a living."
Well, what's it like? We polled a bunch of bike messengers and theirloved ones, and here's what we came up with,
1. After he hops off of you, he immediately Kryptos (locks) youto a parking meter.
2. When you ask if she's coming, she says "Geez, I'm almostthere, traffic is really bad."
3. If it takes you too long to come he charges you waiting time.
4. He expects to be evaluated on how quickly he gets the jobdone. and gets annoyed when you make him stand by instead of sending himoff to screw someone else.
5. After he drops the condom in your wastebasket, he asks youto sign for it.
6. He gets uncomfortable when you want to mess with his packageor hold his sack.
7. At least he'll always ask for permission to slip it.
8. When you call later to say you think you got herpes from her,she says that if you don't have a P.O.D. (proof of delivery) she reallycan't do anything.
9. He dislikes, but is used to being asked to take the back entrance.
10. During moments of intimacy, he'll cry out. "Get Hot(ride faster) Rookie!"
11. Her preferred position is the Bunny Hop.
12. If you don't want to sleep with him. he'll still expect 2bucks for a dry run.
13. If it's loose, he'll gladly tighten your bottom bracket.
14. No matter how much she may like you, the chances of gettingher to join you in a shower are slim to nil.
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If you have comments or suggestions, email me at messvilleto@yahoo.com