THE HARD RIDER

by Pat Ryan

Mercury Rising #11, August 1995

Our old friend Pat, singer for "A Subtle Plague",sent this in. We don't think he's ever been a messenger, but he's knownquite a few of us in his travels. A product of imagination more than experience,this screenplay is fun to read - ed.

Series Synopsis

An animated liquid television series.

The Hard Rider series will follow the travails of HR a synthesis ofa punk rock boheme and the man with no name". (A combination characterof Ian Mackaye meets Clint Eastwood circa Fistful of Dollars). By day MRis a bike messenger dealing with the urban decay of crime and alienationand by night he transforms that angst when he rocks with his band The HardRiders in the underground clubs. Hard Rider is not your typical party heartybike messenger but rather an embittered loner, the reluctant hero searchingfor some truth and hope in his morally bankrupt world. In the series wewill hear HR's thoughts as he tries to cope with the disparity and squalorof his existence but his reluctance to compromise. A brooding semi-mockphilosophical series that will have plenty of action (taxi/bus/car/bikecrashes, cop/bike rival messenger gang chases), comedy (the business peoplehe delivers to, slave driving boss, wasted rockers, tenants in his building),love interests and rock and roll.

THE HARD RIDER - DEBUT EPISODE

(A dark foreboding urban metropolis, industrial cum Blade Runnerish.It is dusk. We pan around the buildings, traffic congestion, screechingbuses and taxi‘s, people nursing home, the sounds of yelling, police whistles/sirens,the homeless and overfilled trash cans. We pan down a dank alleyway betweentwo giant giant skyscrapers until we are at street level. We see a ratscurry behind a garbage can then the sound of skidding rubber. A mountainbike tire skids into full frame. We slowly pan across the tire until wesee a beat up sneaker on the pedal. We pan up to the sock, the ankle andthe calf when the voice over starts ...)

V.O: [In exaggerated deep tones.] He rides by day and he rocksby night he". ... THE HARD RIDER.

[The camera has fully panned up by now to reveal The Hard Rider- HR-in full frame looking like a combination of Clint Eastwood, the SocialistNew Man and a punk rock boheme. HR takes. out his walkie- talkie and putsit up to his ear, it’s his Boss, Monty.]

V.O. OF MONTY: One more tag left today HR and get here prontothis guys gotta get it quick.

HR: V.O. [As he’s riding through the city people are nursinghome from work.] Dammit the one day I needed to get off early to relaxbefore the show tonight and this happens.

[He arrives at the entrance of Westward Ho Messenger Service. He walksinto the cavernous warehouse building most of the other messengers havealready gone home. He spies giant paper wrapped architectural plans nextto the dispatch cage. He walks up to the cage, and looks in at Monty; thin,gaunt with heavy eyelids smoking a cigarette and counting money.]

HR: What's the deal Monty?

MONTY: [Without looking up from counting the money] 35th floor5th and Market pronto the tag's over there. [He gestures with his headover to the plans.] And careful there building plans

[HR looks at the giant plans and rolls his eyes in exasperation]

HR V.O: How the hell am I gonna ride and carry this at the sametime? [He begins to try and maneuver the pack age and bike at the sametime]

MONTY: Oh and HR take this to. It goes to the same guy [Fromunder neath the opening of the dispatch cage he tosses him a small packageHR catches it and puts it into his messenger bag.]

HR V.O.: Building plans. As if they need another one in thiscity. Where the hell they gonna plant it? Maybe I should just dump it inthe garbage my small contribution to thwarting the swarming excess af capitalism...yeah,right.

[He arrives at a huge skyscraper. He looks straight up at it as thesun is setting and takes his bicycle in a door marked Service Entrance.A fat doorman with a cigar is reading the paper. HR goes to the elevatorand presses the button.]

DOORMAN: [Without looking up from the paper.]

It's broke.

HR: Okay, where's the entrance to the regular elevator?

DOORMAN: That's only for the tenants of the building. You gottause the stairs.

HR: [Eyes popping out of his head.] Stairs?? But this tag ison the 35th floor!!

DOORMAN: Rules kiddo, I don't make 'em, you don't break 'em.

[HR goes into the stairwell. There is an enormously fat young kid onthe first stairwell platform with a coffee tray. He is bent over, panting,already out of breath.]

HR: [Recognizing fat kid.] DANO!! What's up?

DANO:[Panting] H...R .Wuzz...up?

[HR looks up the middle of the stairwell that seems to go up forever]

HR: What floor Dano?

DANO: 34. At the rate I'm going they're gonna be getting icedcoffee.

HR: [Thinking a second.] Well I'm going to 35...no sense in makingtwo trips.

[He grabs Dano's tray, but it’s obvious he can't hold the plans andthe tray at the same time. He looks around and by a broom closet he spiesa large roll of twine. Ha grabs it.]

Tie this tight around the tray and hope the roll is long enough or you'rein for a long walk.

DANO: Thanks HR

[HR starts running up the stairs with the twine rolling around his arm.Halfway up he scares awake a sleeping cat. He comes to the 34th floor asthe last strand of twine unravels. He ties it to the railing and leansover.]

HR: Dano, I'll be right back, I'm gonna drop my tag.

[The words take a while to echo all the way dawn as HR goes up to the35th floor. He walks into the office and a wild-eyed executive, tie undone,is pacing.]

EXEC: Where the hell have you been?

[HR hands him the giant building plans and the exec practically throwsthem to the side.]

Where the hell is the other package?

HR: [Coldly] One at a time, Hoss.

EXEC: Don't you get sassy with me you road rat, We pay you guysgood money.

[He grabs the smaller package out of HR's hand, signs for it, runs intothe office and slams the door.]

HR V.O.: Who pays who good money?

[HR goes down to 34 and leans over]

HR. Alright Dano, let's haul her up.

[As the words echo down they stir the sleeping cat. Dano puts the coffeetray into the middle of the stairwell. Four coffee cups and donuts allprecariously balanced an the tray.]

DANO: Start haulin HR.

[HR starts delicately hauling up the tray, a piece of twine danglesfrom the bottom where it's tied. The tension on the rope grows taut andthe tray swings. Almost halfway up, the smell of the donuts wafts up tothe cat. He pokes his head into the stair well and watches the strangepackage coming up. HR sees the cat.]

HR V.O.: Here kitty kitty, Be a nice kitty kitty or I swear I'llmake you a dead kitty kitty.

[As the tray is hauled up, the cat's interest is peaked. He makes atentative swipe at the string but it is just out of his reach, As the traypasses, his paw hits it knocking a lid off one of the coffee cups. Thecoffee tray swings dangerously. HR tries to balance it The coffee in theopen cup swishes back and forth. The tray passes above the cat, it takesone last swipe at the dangling thread and one of its talons hooks ontoit. The tray always, almost tipping over, but HR balances it and pullsit off the cat's talon. A couple of drops of hot coffee spill out and landon the cat's nose. It screams and scrambles down the stair's. The lid hasfloated down and hits Dano, quickly followed by a drop of coffee on hisface. He looks up the stairwell, shocked and puzzled. HR gets the tray,wipes a drop of sweat off his brow, unties the twine and walks into theoffice. Two women lawyers sit at a conference table He hands them the tray.]

HR: Workin' late?

LAWYER: [Stands up to pay him.] Yeah. Wanna join us?

HR: I'll have to take a raincheck. Take care.

LAWYER: Here's for your trouble.

(She flips him a half dollar. HR catches it with one hand, is out thedoor and down the stairs. He gives the receipt to Dano and as he’s leavingthe building on his bike, he flips him the half dollar.]

DANO: Thanks HR. When are the Hard Riders gonna play again?

HR: Tonight at the Pink Slip.

DANO: See you there.

[HR takes off. It is night and downtown has been taken over by patrolcars, homeless roving gangs, etc.. He gets to his tenement building. Afour-story walkup next to an abandoned lot/garbage dump. As he walks in,the bottom apartment opens up a crack. An elderly black man Drago the landlord,peers out. His eyes light up when he sees it is HR.]

DRAGO: HR! How ya doin?

[Drago steps out of the apartment an ancient dog follows close behindhim.]

HR: Pretty good Drago How you doin". An how's ole’ Duke?

[He pats the head of the nearly blind and deaf dog as it lets out ahalfhearted "ruff"]

DRAGO: [Looking down at Duke] Well he made it another day...and so did I for that matter. Listen HR, got some good news and bad news.Which do you wanna hear first?

HR: Bad?

DRAGO: Rent's going up $10 next month Nothin I can do about it...it's a new city tax.

HR: Good?

DRAGO: I fixed that heater finally. We all got hot water again.

HR: [As he's bounding up the stairs with his bicycle.] Oh happyday! I hope we don't start getting charged a luxury tax.

DRAGO: [Yelling up to him] Naww, it's on the house. Oh, HR, Charlie'sbeen wonderin where the hell ya been.

[HR arrives at his third story landing. There is a public phone in thehallway. Although the tenement is old, it is well kept in a sort of homey,fix-it-yourself, rag tag way. As HR is opening the door to his apartmentwe can see another door open on the fourth floor landing. Charlie comesout. A tall Filipino with a buzz cut. He is the bass player for the HardRiders, He leans over the railing.

CHARLIE: Hey HR! Where the hell you been? We gotta be at soundcheck!

HR: I know. I got held up by this uptight cat on my last tag.

[HR goes into his apartment. It is sparse. A simple bed on the floor,a sink, a window with a fire escape overlooking the city. There is a knockon the door. It is Charlie with his bike and bass case.]

CHARLIE: Come on man, we gotta go.

HR: Christ! So much for relaxing before the gig, I should ofleft my rig downstairs.

[He grabs his guitar case and bike and they both head down stairs.]

DRAGO: You fellas pluggin yourself into the wall again tonight?

CHARLIE: We gotta gig Drago

DRAGO: You're gonna drive yourself deaf playing at that volume.Jus' like ole Duke here.

HR: You gotta suffer for your art.

CHARLIE: Besides Beethoven was deaf and he did alright .

(They exit the tenement as Drago calls after them.]

DRAGO: Art? Art? Charlie Parker, now that's art. Lester Young,now that's art.

[As he calls out, he goes back into his apartment. We catch a glimpseof it filled with old jazz posters and records.]

(HR and Charlie ride through the city to the Pink Slip Saloon. A beatup wooden club, with a flashing neon sign of a girl holding a tray of drinks.They enter the club. In the first room are pinball machines, a pool table,and a long bar with bike messengers and punk rockers sitting and drinkingThey pass a second room where there is a small stage. Watts, their drummer,is setting up his kit. He is short and stocky with wild wispy hair thatgoes off in all directions.)

WATTS: Where the hell you guys been, man?

HR: No worries. We're here now.

[HR and Charlie head down a corridor and then down a long flight ofstairs, two stories under ground, to a doorway that says, Pink Slip RehearsalRooms." There is also a sign that says, BANDS, YOU CANNOT SLEEP INYOUR REHEARSAL ROOMS! They open the door into another corridor with severalrooms. One room has "Hard Rider" on it, another room says "Stillborn.They go into the ratty rehearsal room, get their amps and haul them upstairsto the stage as Watts is soundchecking his drums. HR goes into the nextroom to the end of the bar. He leans over .]

HR. Weazel Aqua on the rocks.

[Weazel, gaunt and beady-eyed is at the other end of the bar. He fillsa glass with ice water.]

WEAZEL: Back off, comin down.

[He slides the glass of water down the long bar as each biker and punkerlift their glass to let it slide under their beer. It lands perfectly inHR's palm, shaking slightly. To the right of HR, at the end of the barwe hear ..]

DAISY: Wow! A hard drinkin man.

[Daisy has leaned over the bar. A comely punk rock vixen in a tight-fittingtattered white wedding dress. To her left is Dodo, a tall good-lookingwhite guy in dread locks. To her left is Rocco, a beefy skinhead with scarsand tattoos.]

Ya ever drink anything...harder ...Hard.. Rider?

[She says it with a cynical wry smile as she is leaning over the barDodo and Rocco are laughing mischievously. HR turns and gives her a hardcold stare, gulps down the water in one go and plants the glass on thebar.]

HR: On occasion.

[He turns and goes into the other room, while Daisy, Dodo and Roccolaugh.]

[Later that night the bar has filled up with people. There is a smallbut enthusiastic crowd in front of the Hard Riders as they rock on stage.We see Dano bobbing his head in the crowd. We pan back to the other room.At a table in the back sit Daisy Dodo and Rocco. They have a small retinueof like- dressed people hanging around them, Daisy is at the center.]

DAISY: They're pretty good. But so are a lot of bands

(Everybody nods,)

I'm getting kinda bored. I think it's time for a little party at theProj!

[Everyone nods their head in agreement and screams, "Party at theProj!" They gather their bikes and head out the door. Weazel, thebar tender waves goodbye. After the gig, the Hard Rider's are packing uptheir geer. A few stragglers remain drunk at the bar. Lefty, the ownerof the Pink Slip, is an older beefy Hell's Angel with a white beard. Heis smoking a cigar, counting money as he approached the bend.]

LEFTY: Her's your cut. That was pretty good guys, I'm startinto book some other clubs so maybe I might give you a call.

[He goes into the back room leaving the band member a staring at eachother slackjawed.]

[Fade up Hard Rider Theme Song. Dissolve to credits.]

If you have comments or suggestions, email me at messvilleto@yahoo.com